SurvivingInfidelity

I thought I was using a site that would help me survive the infidelity of my wife. Big mistake. There was a post about whether a male STD hurt. Plenty of really nasty posts about how they hope it hurt like heck. I posted that I'm a BH and I had to get the test done. Explained how much it hurt and that I didn't deserve it.

Was basically told "tough". When I defended myself, I was banned.

But you know what? If for some reason you ever want back in to post, just create a new email address, like Hotmail. Then download a secure browser like Tor which masks your IP address. Access the site and you will not be blocked. First have to clear your cookies first though

I joined this site to work through issues and get support for pain. I've been horrified at what is allowed on that site. Believe me, I understand the pain for being cheated on. What I don't understand is the encouragement to stay mired in that pain and even egged on to increase it. How does anyone survive when they're turning into a mean, bitter, spiteful shell? That site is like high school on steroids. I have seen so many members get banned or leave. Those that have been banned were for petty reasons. The site owner is acts like an entitled 12 year old that HAS to get her way or she'll huff and puff. Her sarcasm and patronizing tone is quite revealing. Sites that focus on this are very needed. This one should be avoided like the plague. The members that are pets are ruining the site and being allowed to run rampant while the truly healthy ones leave or get removed. I guess that keeps people looking but wouldn't you want to be known for your value rather than a drama joke?

If I could give it no stars I would. This site is extremely harmful to all who use it. While one of the criticisms the site promotes is that cheaters are addicted to attention and validation, that is mostly what this entire site is about for both the cheater and the hurt party. There are people on this site who are wallowing in their hurt for YEARS. It just promotes a collective bashing party, allowing nobody to heal. They promote revenge and hate more than anything.

The site founder, Jill M. Campbell of Spring, Texas, cheated on her husband. They now created the site to make money off of other people's suffering.

Deeply Scared is dead, but her flying monkeys are still alive and well and dishing out the best of the bestest advice (note the sarcasm.)

Her dying caused an influx of money to the site though, so that's great I suppose. That way the site can keep telling cheaters that they're always scum, and the cheated on are precious snowflakes who deserve anything they want at any time. Physical abuse is cool, verbal abuse is lauded. Even better if it's directed at a cumdumpster!

Seriously though, find professional help after infidelity and don't rely on a site full of sanctimonious know-it-alls. Everyone will fare better.

SI, like any forum is made up of people, flawed people.

Most are trying to navigate the waters of infidelity and are seeking direction.

It is not a one size fits all approach nor is it a magic place that will fix all of your heartache or pain. It is simply people sharing their experiences and perhaps something helps or resonates but sometimes it doesn't or we aren't ready to hear what is being said.

It is a great place if it works for you and if it doesn't that is okay too.

It truly has been a god send for me but that is just me. It has helped me examine my thoughts, feelings and approaches toward infidelity and has also allowed me to share, vent and express my heartache.

We are not all kool-aide drinkers or flying monkeys.:-)

Wishing everyone peace, however you find it.

"You can't 'nice' them back" is a common phrase at SI, and pretty much sums up what the site is all about.

The best way to end an affair and save a marriage is to shock the folks engaging in this errant, fantasy-based behavior back to reality. This is not always pretty, and can be counter intuitive for those stuck in this situation, who's world has just been shattered. It is the *only* way that works though. At some level we all know that -this site drives the point home and proves it's truth thousands of times over.

SI is a lifesaver. It's the best club you never wanted to join because if you're there it's most likely because your life has exploded due to infidelity - which I have personally experienced - one of the most horrible experiences of my life. There are lots of raw emotions on this site and the mod's are empathetic to that, however, they also know from their own experience, that new members need to hear the honest truth which is hard at first.

You don't want to believe that your spouse is really "that bad", you don't want to hear that they are probably still lying to you, but unfortunately, that is usually the case at first. And your fellow posters will not sugar coat the truth - it doesn't help anyone - but they are there for you through thick and thin. That site has saved so many lives - from the betrayed spouses who thought they couldn't survive without their cheating spouse, to the reconciled couples who do the hard work on themselves to find their way back together.

Survivinginfidelity is a cult. The wayward forum is just an extension of the betrayed forum. The BS's pile on and condescend, patronize, I swear if I read "gently" one more time. A new wayward joined seeking help then had to defend herself, and she really showed the stupidity spewed on there for what it was. Called the hypocrites out and didn't accept the crap they shoveled so of course she was short lived. Me and a few other members were cheering her on. Too bad. The usuall suspects flew in and the attention addicted male wayward on there stole her ideas and tried to suck up more adulation from BS piling on as usual. What a joke. Too bad. That site once seemed better years ago. Now don't even recognize it. More like survive the site.

I was on this site for several months to try and learn how to help my ex after I had cheated. I was in weekly therapy, and the stronger I got, the more I spoke up against the HORRIFIC advice that was being given (encouraging betrayed spouses to take on a victim role, encouraging "wayward spouses" to take on whatever guilt their spouses and other members threw at them.) No one has ever healed by being made to feel worse than they already do, and that is exactly what this site tries to do. When I spoke up for someone who was really being punched against the ropes, the mods turned on me, banned me, and exchanged several unbelievably unprofessional emails with me when I dared to challenge them on why I was banned. My advice would be to seek professional help and stay far away from this horror of a site.

As with another reviewer, I have been banned from the site - because my husband didn't get his email right during registration, and forgot his password. So without then registration email, he was stuck.

They "helped him finish" registering, but he could never log on since he had goofed up, and when I asked for help I got nothing but snark back. The "administrator" just sent to the non-working email, and wouldn't change it.

So, I tried to get him registered with a new email, they kicked ME out!

The admin actually said we didn't belong on the internet and to get help elsewhere - Then had the nerve to say MY emails were rude! All I had ever done was thank them for their help, and ask for the email to be changed., which was refused, because "they had helped enough"

Some "help" forum...
Yeah, I definitely agree you better be their definition of "perfect'...

This site saved my sanity. Having a supportive group of people whove experienced the same nightmare is invaluable. They offer a wide range of advice for you to consider - and advise you to take what you need and leave the rest!

Follow the rules of the site and youll be fine with the moderators. Their job is to keep the site a safe place for betrayed and wayward spouses to seek help - so its simple, read the guidelines!

Its painfully obvious the negative reviews are from former members who broke the rules one too many times (and probably responded with disrespect when called on it.) I even recognize the writing voice of one of the banned members - unremorseful waywards who join the site only to terrorize their betrayed wife are quickly banned (see my point about keeping the site safe! NPDs need not apply!)

You are under no obligation to register. Read the site and decide for yourself. Everyday I read This site has been a life saver! It was for me - its even helped my marriage thrive after the destruction of infidelity - Six years reconciled and going strong!

So take a look and find a way to heal. Hopefully youll stick around to help new members and pay the healing forward! :)

This website and its members helped me through the roughest times of my divorce-the self-doubt, the anger, the guilt I felt at putting my kids through a divorce (ex was a serial cheater.) I did not post much after those first 2 years, but did take away a lot of "post-divorce dating" advice by reading others' posts.
When I decided to go back on to read/catch up, I'd forgotten my password. I asked the administrators how to recover it and was told they'd get back to me. NADA. I wrote again, politely, and still got nothing. I asked if I could just set up another screen name and password and was told this was not ALLOWED.
Keep in mind, I'd never had any issues, never been "warned" about my posts, never argued... and the posts I made were always positive/supportive.
It did bother me for awhile-the site was one of the few places besides Divorce Care where I felt people really understood my situation. But apparently forgetting your password is unforgivable, and so I'm unable to "join" again. How nice of them.

Real I if you're a teacher than you will know that plagiarism tools need a much bigger sample to accurately assess commonalities than the length of a typical review.

In the interest of disclosure I'l caveat this by saying I am banned from the site (I had an argument with that awful Deeply Scared who's apparently now being canonised or something) but check it every now and then for curiosity sake - it's kind of like a bad movie you can't stop watching.

My biggest concern with SI is that it keeps people wallowing in infidelity and encourages members to take betrayal on as a key factor of their personality rather than as horrible thing that happened as part of their life experience. Yes Ive been betrayed but I am not going to make it a major focus of my life story, SI normalises hyper victimisation. I see new members take on the bitterness of the old, the typical narrative is betrayed spouse = pure, innocent and virginal; unfaithful partner = weak, manipulated and broken; Other person= all powerful manipulator who carries all fault.

It's the typical Disney narrative thats so unhelpful to adult relationships in fact one recent poster referred to herself as Snow White being cast into an evil nightmare. Sweet, innocent betrayed wife is in a fairytale fantasy with her prince until the evil OW comes along, casts a spell and magically turns the prince into a different creature. No one is all good or all bad and this type of thinking covers up the real issues that probably played out in the marriage before the infidelity occurred, its not helpful.

The moderators recently warned members to be nice as new members had recently left as they felt bullied so things have been fairly benign of late with the old clique staying away. It's the 'old timers' who are the issue and yes I agree Sister Milkshake is the WORST! She's not catty toward other members per se but her disordered thinking and inability to move on is a terrible influence, plus her posts are rough and tacky she sounds like she's posting from the corner of a biker bar.

Are you a betrayed spouse who's healed and your marriage is better than ever now? Want to help someone else? Don't bother creating a profile here. The miserable harpies who haven't moved forward after years and years will pick you apart. You can't possibly have a great marriage now because they don't. Wah wah wah! They like to hang out in the Reconciliation Stories section sniffing the air for any shred of happiness so they can stomp that OUT. Then when you don't run away crying and don't worship them and retract your statements about how your marriage really is better now, for real, their heads will spin out of control and they'll call YOU hostile. It's too funny. They'll write horrible things, deny they wrote it (even though it's right there in black and white) and enlist a couple more of their flying monkey friends to jump in and tear you down too. Actually, maybe it IS worth it to join just for the comedy.

One of the particularly viscious ones was just staying with her husband because she needed him to buy her a new car. Yeah, that's a great reason to stay married, honey. We should all listen to your advice. If he's not meeting your arbitrary and meaningless terms of reconciliation and you're pissed off about it, maybe he was never that into you in the first place. I mean, you're such a PRIZE and all.

A much better site for betrayed spouses in Bloom for Women through an organization called Addo Recovery.

Every post save one represents what's wrong with that horrible place. I just read my final post there. Someone posted that they were happy that the other woman's child was born with a deformity and asked if that made her a horrible person. Yes, that is actually the definition of a horrible person. The regulars like that confused6 whatever (completely off the rails bitter) came on and chastised someone that pointed that out saying the betrayed wife is innocent too. No. No she's not. She's an adult that hopefully is a much better mother than to wish that on any baby. The fact that kind of trash it tolerated did it for me. I'm out. So sad there are only 25 posts on this site and some "helpfuls". There have been so many damaged by that site at the worst point in their life and the one's they keep around there just promote and supply more. Don't go there. There are other sites, like other posters here have mentioned. I love baggage reclaim. More female based but still a great site. This site is malpractice.

I was a member of this site some years ago. I attended a get-together with a number of other members and, during my flight home (I live on the other side of nowhere) something changed on the site. When I questioned the change, I was summarily banned. What followed was a really long discussion replete with comments by MH, DS and their minions that I had been warned by private messages about my posts -- which of course was a blatant lie. None of the admins/mods had ever contacted me privately at all, about anything. Following this episode, many people whom I had met at the GTG, and some whom I had not met but had protested, were also banned.

My takeaway is that you have to be prepared to kiss the asses of the owners/admins/mods of the site. If you do, you are golden. If you don't, you are out.

More objectively -- I still occasionally look at the site (I'm a writer, gathering material for a novel, lol). It is skewed toward those in "Reconciliation" i. E. willing to put up with all kinds of $#*!e... over and over again. Read the tag lines and listing of "D-days". It' a celebration when a "wayward" supposedly "gets it," whatever that means. On the other hand, there are so many bitter people there who delve into armchair psychology that it is literally sickening.

If you come across this site and are seriously looking for support, run and don't look back. Unless of course, you need fodder for your novel.

Been reading any/all survive infidelity sites and anything else yahoo/google search can find for me - SI is the one with the easiest to read format and has a huge experienced (BTDT) member following. It's free but "donations accepted" there is a large body of info posted and many different forums with strict enforced rules. If "you" read blogs you will see (unless you're totally mentally deficient in social skills) that rules are needed to keep forum participants "on thread" - violators are warned via private message and if they refuse to honor the rules - they suffer accordingly (BTDT) so if you need someone to chat with - give a try but first read the free info and the RULES for each forum. Even Danielle Steele would have a hard time coming up with the stories that are in SI. I found that what I was experiencing was totally "normal" mental and physical anguish over events in my life. And enough input from the members to help be accept what life has delt and move on - wiser - a bit bruised - and aware that working on oneself is the only cure to happiness.
The members on the forums will not let you off the hook if you go pity-me-party in your chat
The site is "pro reconciliation but more properly GETTING OUT of infidelity" - whether the path is recovery of a marriage or moving ahead with life separately. If you need a sounding board and a fair hearing - give it a try. You are welcome there but you must follow the rules which are clearly stated (Yeah, I had to read them a couple times to fully understand)
Kinda sad that the human race has so much of it (infidelity) going on -
Signed? "a survivor"

The worst site for either side of the infidelity horror. The wayward side is filled with spouses of the betrayed spouses on that site so you can't trust any of their posts. They have a contest, basically, to see who is the most "remorseful". It's honestly pathetic. Can't believe their spouses buy that crap. The betrayed side is just as bad. Competitive bitterness. The absolute horrific "advise" given is almost criminal. There are several posters, sunflower30 is one for sure, Hope2b another, that are so bitter and vile you can't help but understand completely how their spouse cheated... and I'm a betrayed spouse. You almost fine yourself rooting for them to dump these entitled, vulgar, vile $#*!es. Men are screwed on that site. I'm no longer posting and many awesome members no longer go there either because of the terrible moderating or because they were banned for speaking the truth. Uncertainone was a brilliant, sage, wayward (although I never thought she was) that posted gems. You won't find them anymore because Deeply Scared deleted all of them. That petty little cheater broke her own site's guidelines. Shocking. Horrible site, terribly run with damaged dangerous posters. Reddit and other sites far far better than that absolute mess