SurvivingInfidelity

The BS on the site do not want change or improvement. They want to be told R is possible if you give it enough time. I'm an active member (not banned), and I've watched the site go downhill for years now. Any advice that doesn't keep a BS holding onto the tiniest place of hope is no longer welcome. Sistermilkshake leads the team of mean girls that pounce on unpopular opinions and advice. But then, when she gets called out on her own bitterness she disappears for several weeks at a time, basically until people forget how nasty and mean she is and it blows over.

The site has become a train wreck that is hard to look away from.

I looked at the site after not reading for over 2 years. Nothing has changed. I saw DS has passed away, which is sad. She was not great to deal with, though. Had her favorites and the rest were targeted. She still flirted with the men that posted on there. Disgusting. Wincing At The Light is still spewing his barely contained rage nonsense. Even though his wife was a cheater I felt sorry for her. She was dealing with a mental illness and he played mind games with here. How sad. Funny thing is, though he's lauded on there as a wizard of wisdom he cheated on his ex wife with his current wife, so guess what? That makes him a cheater too. Sick sad man.

SI is high school. It's a group of mostly bitter women that gang up and ostracize anyone that doesn't buy the bull, and it is bull. These people are not experts or in any way qualified to give much of the outrageous advice they give.

If you don't agree you're told "we've been here. We have experience ". No, they've experienced something. That's very different than having experience. I've flown many times. I've experienced flying. That doesn't mean I can fly the flipping plane.

I joined as a betrayed spouse. I left and found best choice is a trained professional or just making smart protective choices and taking time to heal.

This has really turned into a social site with the "stars" being insulting, insufferable and dangerous. The male king WAL or Wincing At The Light is a cheater that married his fling. He is a fraud. Many of them are. There are far better places out there including just hanging in there knowing that being cheated on is not rare and people survive it all the time.

I was a member 10 years ago for a time. I was banned shortly but still follow it like the proverbial train wreck, because it's fodder for my novel or my thesis. Seriously, don't go there looking for anything helpful these days -- it's groupthink at its worst. Armchair psychologists, $#*!s telling you right and wrong. When I joined it was helpful to me because the members were largely good people with some compassion, but it's turned into something else altogether. If you have been cheated on and need a resource, redirect your energy to Chumplady.com, who is worlds ahead in wisdom.

If your spouse has cheated on you and you come to this website youll be told none of its your fault. Which is true. But how easy did you make it for your spouse to $#*! someone else? Did you deny your spouse sex? Did you routinely put your spouse down? I bet you did. While cheating is a total choice, all you $#*!ty spouses made it an easy choice. Own it.

This website is $#*!. The people who were cheated on suck, just as the much as the ones who cheated. No one is innocent.

In case some of you don't know the definition of Groupthink, I'll save you the trouble of Googling it. Here's a description from Psychology Today:

"What Is Groupthink?

Groupthink occurs when a group of well-intentioned people make irrational or non-optimal decisions that are spurred by the urge to conform or the discouragement of dissent. This problematic or premature consensus may be fueled by a particular agenda or simply because group members value harmony and coherence above rational thinking. In a groupthink situation, group members refrain from expressing doubts and judgments or disagreeing with the consensus."

So in a nutshell, If you actually possess critical thinking skills and the ability to make your own decisions, you will be shouted down and scolded by the mods on this site. And in the end you'll probably be banned anyway.

Dailystrength.org is a better alternative.

The site is overrun by bitter so-called reconciling spouses, the most bitter are the betrayed. The strange thing is they try and bring others into their misery by giving out dangerous and harmful advice.

The point for most is to reconcile at all costs. Many have been hanging on for years and are just as miserable as when they found out.

SisterMilkshake is the leader of the recon brigade. She cant see that when she posts about her husband and marriage she comes across as very bitter and unhappy. If that is recon Ill take divorce for $200, Alec... She also lays the blame at the feet of the woman he cheated with. She goes as far as to say the woman was a predator and frames her husband as a helpless victim.

Find a healthier site to get advice on infidelity, or better yet, find a therapist. The Haeling Library everyone at SI points new members to is full of articles and advice from current and previous members, virtually nothing from experts in marriage counseling or psychology.

I used the SI site for several years, and found it extremely helpful. If you had the misfortune of infidelity impacting your life, then I strongly suggest that you check it out. There is even a section for those who cheated to get help.

I am posting this review because I was surprised to see all the one star reviews, until I noticed a pattern. I'm a teacher and I ran the various reviews through some textual analysis and plagiarism software. This analysis strongly suggests that most of these reviews were written by the same person. If so, then its a real shame that they are so bitter that they've posted negative reviews for a couple years. Maybe you should get some help in moving on with your life.

If your self esteem is shot and you need validation from a bunch of whackjobs, then this is the perfect place for you! In my experience, its nothing but a bunch of spiteful bitties and horny middle-aged single men who disgustingly hit on vulnerable women under the cloak of support. People talk about catfishing their spouses and filing divorce just as an expensive mind game to shock and control a spouse. The groupthink and bitter, judgementalism reminds you of a Trump Rally!

"You can't 'nice' them back" is a common phrase at SI, and pretty much sums up what the site is all about.

The best way to end an affair and save a marriage is to shock the folks engaging in this errant, fantasy-based behavior back to reality. This is not always pretty, and can be counter intuitive for those stuck in this situation, who's world has just been shattered. It is the *only* way that works though. At some level we all know that -this site drives the point home and proves it's truth thousands of times over.

In response to "Real I": So you think these negative reviews were written by the same person? That means one person had to create 31 different accounts using 31 different email addresses, and that didn't happen. The reality is that yes- there are 31 people that think Surviving Infidelity is a bad, bad site. Now that number is up to 32.

This site is overrun by a gang of bullies that should have outgrown that behavior in middle school. Don't expect any support if the bullies target you. And if your life experience doesn't align with theirs, then they'll definitely target you.

Find a good therapist instead.

I have to agree with the other posters here.

It really boils down to DS still functioning with wayward thoughts and actions. She gaslights, blame shifts and absolutely refuses to admit she may have been wrong or mistaken about anything, at any time. Instead she just bans you. She certainly never apologizes to anyone, probably because she just bans them instead.

Truly, her behavior is WS behavior being directed at people who are trying to heal from that same kind of behavior. This is not a safe place.