Gabe I.

Once, many moons ago, I felt quite adventurous, so I stepped outside my humble adobe to embark on a beautiful journey. You see, dear reader, I was tending to my typical duties of watching anime and eating my top-notch ramen. My waifu was looking quite exquisite and alluring in her kawaii maid outfit. Heh.
As I saw the entrancing entity, she hypnotized me, sinking her venomous fangs into my eyes as they poured out adoration. The beautiful creature whispered to me, her whispers like gusts of wind brushing against my beard, singing, "Buy mi merch."
Without hesitation, I raced to my car with my katana as I smirked. Beware wretched beings! Today, I shall bring her home and sing her my sweet poems.
Faster than the speed of a Naruto run, I arrived at the mall. Colombia mall.
My journey both began and ended at Barnes and Noble. Ah, yes. The store for intellectuals.
"Yare yare daze…" I sighed as I saw the tragedy collapse in front of me. These bakas have no idea what kind of material that manga stores! No, no. They are about to unlock Pandora's box to my beloved manga.
"Hey!" I shouted, striking my fearsome Jojo pose. "Don't touch that beautiful artifact you nicompoops!"
Heh. Let's just say those bakas won't be going near MY waifu again! HIYAH!
Sigh. I wish this worthless establishment encompassing my oh-so-precious manga would ensure that no villains could taint my valuable waifus. -_- Derp. I'd sign up to be a knight in shining armor for my waifus, weebs, and fellow otakus! Oh, well.