Franco b.

Firstly I cannot contain my happiness with how the whole purchase was handled first class

The initial sales service was sublime... With a young slimey sales person slithering over upon seeing another potential victim almost before we had finished parking our car... It was like a scene from the lost boys as they descended on me and the wife like hungry jackals

After successfully fighting them off with crucifixes and holy water we carried on with our perusal of the fine hand made furniture... that to be honest on closer inspection must have been made in a cave by a limbless blind malnourished child on 10p a day

Sadly my wife caught view of something she liked... They must have some retina scanning equipment or lasers that picked up the enlarged pupil as she gave of that most primitive sign of attraction and pleasing...

Again swarms... no a plague of sales assistants rained down on us in a deluge not seen since biblical times, like locusts... We were knee deep in the disgusting slime that oozed from every orifice...

Immediately they honed in on my wife having detected her vulnerability... I fought with them with every last out centre of strength and more... so much more... but alas it was not enough I fought in vain against the vomit enducing compliments and smarmyness till eventually the tide was to strong and she was swept into the bedroom suite area like and injured sea bird unable to fight against the current

I will never forget the look of total loss and terror as she was eventually dragged to her inevitable purchase... It haunts my dreams till my last day... After much negotiation and contract signing I secured the release of my terrified spouse... at such a high price... to high you might think... but she is the love of my life... and my soul and happiness for the next three months was a price I was willingly going to sacrifice to rescue her from their sweaty hands

What follows is a tale deciet and dishonesty of an epic scale greater and to be come more revered than homers oddessey

It came as such a shock to us after the attentive sales teams had promised us the stars and planets and eternal happiness in their sales patter, we were awaiting our lottery win, the invitations to Buckingham palace, film stars and music legends popping around for afternoon tea... but surely as these never showed up... nor did our bedroom suite...

Fortunately for us we had disposed of our old suite because unexpectedly our bedroom would only hold the one bedroom suite... entirely our own fault for not living in a stately home with bedrooms of hundreds of sqr meters

Initially contact with staff was as easy as their dishonesty and yarns fell from their snake like mouths

The saying "tomorrow never comes" has never been so apparently true as when you ever have the misfortune of dealing with Ipswich furniture whare"ismyfurniture"house

Unfortunately after several missed delivery dates due to earth quakes... tears in space time... quantum entanglement... Our suite never seemed to actually arrive at our abode... from being on route to we have lost your items in the space of 10th minutes is remarkable as we only live 10 miles from the store and there is only one road access to our village... of course if it was being air dropped by helicopter it could be plausible as we do have an awful problem with roaming bands of hill bandits armed with surface to air javelin missiles

After countless missed deliveries and countless stories of woe and misfortune... All of the managers took to holidaying in the triangular area of Bermuda... apparently there us no access or phones available in this area and it became increasingly hard to contact

After nearly 3 months we have very kindly received a mattress to date... The red cross have offered us a tent and a camp bed to ease our plight but my wife is so ashamed and feels as if somehow she is to blame that we have not accepted their kind offer of assistance

So nearly 3 months down the line we are held to ransomed by the cleverly worded terms and conditions... I never saw the small print... its in french... It reads... $#*! you we've got your money your furniture will come when we can be $#*!ing arsed to bring it to you... do excuse my french I am a bit rusty

So all in all if you like to receive rough anal sex by an uncaring lover I highly recommend Ipswich furniture whare"ismyfurniture"house