Tara H.

Oh my goodness I could not agree with the other posts on here more. I joined SI about five years ago when my husband left me for another woman, I did receive a couple of beautifully supportive posts for which I am still grateful, I sought counselling and got on with building my life I was not going toilet my experience control me as devastating as it was.

Every now and then I would go back to see how others were doing and to see if there was anyone I could help and quickly became horrified to see the same old members wallowing and refusing to move on, it became evident that their partners infidelity became what defined them. Betrayed spouses talked about how they lost friends and were encouraged to get rid of them, they weren't real friends in the first place because YEARS later these real life friends and family believed it was time for the betrayed to move on and start building their lives. People are told that it's to be broken and low functioning five years after their partners infidelity, they are told it's ok to keep bringing the old issues up years later and if the wayward spouse gets upset they're not being supportive, it's ok to hate, stalk and try to destroy the affair partners life as they are broken, slutty, "cumdumpters" I believe is the favourite word.

The vitriol is disturbing, I don't remember it being like this in the past but it's a site of hatred now. Deeply Scared (DS) runs the site and is one of the most pathetic little characters I have ever had the misfortune to "meet" clearly exercising the one power she holds in her life. As one commentator said, she has replaced another man with this site as a away to bask in attention, interestingly she is ALL OVER the male posters on the site in the most sleazy manner, if a woman stands up to her she'll just ban them I really don't believe she's a "recovered" wayward at all.

There are members on there such as Sister Milkshake who YEARS later still spread hate and bitterness, sadly the influence of she and DS make the vulnerable think thats how they should feel, the collective damage is horrendous.

One of the most horrific things I read was a betrayed spouse who had "reconciled" with their spouse (in SI terms that just means you don't leave, not that you actually wok on building a better relationship and rebuilding your life) and years later carried such hatred for the woman her partner had an affair with that she set up an elaborate plan to destroy her.

She secretly set the woman up with a colleague and encouraged him to pretend to be in a loving relationship to the point that she is now selling her things and giving up her house in order to move in with this man who in actuality is about to move overseas leaving her homeless and possession less- this woman has a history if self harm and has children. The BW gleefully reports on the fact that he is getting free sex off this woman.

In addition to this she called child services in an attempt to have the woman lose her children, has tried to have the woman fired and has put naked photos of the woman in letter boxes on her street, sent them to the woman's family and other mothers at her children's sports teams.

This was all encouraged by members of the site, for me I was done.

Deeply Scared, if you read this it's time to stop. You are a bitter, broken person who is causing a great deal of damage, move on with your life.

To any other betrayed spouses, stay away from this site and don't let infidelity define you. Your life is worth so much more and there is real happiness waiting for you if you let it into your life - wallowing in bitterness, hatred and pain will not help.