I was coming due for my very first colonoscopy, so instead of doing an invasive test in which you need to go under, I decided to try the infamous Cologuard test instead. I used to be a shareholder of this company and was actually looking forward to seeing how their test worked. Unfortunately, my dealings with them were not as pleasant as I would have hoped.

First of all, they sent my test to the wrong address even though I specifically gave them the address I wanted it sent to, instead they sent it to my billing address, which just so happens to be a PO box. Granted, I still received my test but much later than I would have, had they sent it to where I had asked them to in the first place. Not understanding what was so complicated about getting my shipping address right but I brushed it off as a simple mistake and was willing to look past it. However, I'm now seeing that these sort of hiccups were not the exception to the rule in my dealings with Exact Sciences/Cologuard. Regardless, I received my test so I don't want to harp on the inconvenience of them getting that wrong, so back to my test...

I went through all the rigamaroo of doing the sample, scraping some stick thing along the edges of my feces as directed and sticking that sample into a test tube, pouring some preservative liquid on the rest of the sample, screwing the cap on exactly the way they asked me to, which is actually easier said than done, placing it in the plastic bag inside the box, sealing it up, calling them to arrange the pickup, etc. The process of taking the sample and the sort of poop fingerpainting they wanted me to partake in was actually quite gross but hey, I figured at least I'm finally done with that and it's better than having to go through having to drink that horrible chalky milkshake and do the real deal test, right?!

WRONG!

I call the number, follow the instructions to a tee and shipped it back, or so I thought, all of which was all arranged through Exact Sciences... I left to go out of the country. Weeks pass and I'm back in the country. I get notified that I have received yet another package from Exact Sciences at my PO box. So I call them to find out what is going on and they tell me that they shipped my sample back to ME. So yeah, needless to say I am way irritated at this point. WTF!? Like really? So now I have a three week old poop sample waiting for me at my PO box. Not exactly what I wanted to come home to. I am so perplexed. Like why are they shipping this back to ME?! What is wrong with these people?! They are the ones who arranged the pickup too so how do they now go on to get this wrong too? Why would they pick up the sample at my home and then send it back to the address that I specifically requested that they not send me mail there unless it involved billing? Either ship it to Exact Sciences or throw it away! I don't want to deal with this crap... LITERALLY! They wanted to ship me yet another test so I could redo it but I told them that I'm done! I just can't anymore with these total effff ups. I had better not get a bill for this ISH either!

There's a BIG problem when a person decides that going under general anesthesia and drinking those chalky milkshakes and all that a colonoscopy entails is much less hassle than dealing with your company. Can't believe I'm actually having to say this.

Thanks Cologuard but no thanks! I'll take my chances with risking my life going under and having to be invaded by sticking a camera where the sun don't shine vs dealing with you people ever again! Sad day! So glad I sold all of my stock.