I joined this site in May 2024 to learn more about the BDSM community. I assumed that, since the site was named after the philosophy, they might be respectful of the BDSM community, and would maintain the highest standards to protect their users. In fact, BDSM.COM has no relationship whatsoever with the BDSM community.
Take for comparison the whorish Adult Friend Finder, where even a dog can get laid if they have a few bucks stuck in their paw. They appeal to macho types with hard peckers and all sheets to the wind. They also don't get mixed up with ethical topics like whether promiscuous sex is dangerous, let alone sex with prostitutes. You feel filthy being there. So let's face it, if you feel disappointed, you weren't really paying attention.
BDSM.COM has cynically inferred that they represent a community that they do not understand. They are just Adult Friend Finder Part II, BDSM Editon. Females place profiles on this site that say things like this:
"Hey all you DOM Masters on this site! I don't know anything about this BDSM thing. I need you to teach me! I'm ready to be debased and used!"
Translation:
"Hey, cowboy idiots who think they know about BDSM! Let me make you feel important so you can all bang me for cash!"
Talk about charming!
When I arrived on the site, my simple DOM-in-training profile got a lot of attention. I was surprised. How would I handle 50 eager "subs" (submissives), all begging for my leadership? Then things got strange. After texting a few times, I realized that we weren't getting anywhere. We mostly batted the ball back and forth with no outcome. Were they toying with me?
Then I thought, these are real people, right? When I checked my 50 "subs", I was blown away to discover that only two of them were verified.
Getting your identify verified on BDSM.COM is fairly easy. It takes about five minutes. They use a well-known service to temporarily – and securely – store a photo of your ID card. They then ask you to take a take a photo of your face next to that same ID card. They match it using software. They then destroy all of the records of those materials. Hence no chance whatsoever of theft.
I gave my new subs "instructions" – which I had a right to do as their Dom or Master – to get verified immediately. They sheepishly agreed. But none of them actually did it
Finally, I instructed them to provide a public (disposable) email address so I could set up a Google Chat. That's a safe way to talk with someone without having their phone number, for instance. It also supports video. I insisted that this be a *video* chat, which I repeated as if they were morons (what are the odds of that, right?). Finally, three of the 50 girls agreed. I was feeling a bit embarrassed since they had called my bluff.
In all three cases, the girls started the Google Chat. They sent me sexy—and unsolicited -- photos of themselves. I was not dissuaded. I said, "OK, I'm calling you on video chat". The problem was that none of them answered.
"I haven't paid my phone bill"
"I doesn't work, I swear"
"I'm trying to install Skype instead"
Then things got quite a lot stranger. One of these three whatever-they-ares stupidly left their real name on the Google Chat window. The name was a series of short phrases. I looked them up on Google. The first two were the name of a rap singer. I asked the sub about that.
"It's just a nick" …
{oops} … "name"
The third name was "Adom". I asked about that.
"It means wondrous one"
Not quite. Yes, it had a fun, magical meaning. *But* then I saw the actual Google description:
"masculine name used in Ghana…"
I was talking to a man all along! They were all men. And since their goal was to talk about sex with men, and exchange $#*! pic's, these were male homosexuals. That's why none of them could face me. They were fakes.
Just before this, I foolishly gave my phone number to two sub's. Within an hour, I received a call from Folsom Prison. Some male prisoner was trying to get me to accept a collect call!
As I objected more and more, my loyal cadre of subs evaporated like water in the desert. I wrote to the last bunch and told them that they could verify themselves using any objective means whatsoever. None of them complied.
I have good taste in females. I know I responded to the 50 prettiest girls on the site. Guilty as charged. But only two were verified. The rest refused to confirm their identity using any means whatsoever. That means that BDSM.COM is made up of:
A large group of average-looking profiles that are probably accurate. Nobody ever contacts them.

A small group of hyper-hot females that don't exist. Everybody wants them. People actually bid money to get attention from them. But these are not females at all. They're male homosexuals looking for a quick jerk.

BDSM.COM makes a fat living off of people thinking that they can meet actual, attractive BDSM candidates. The site knows that only a tiny few ever verify their identities. So they can't pretend not to know that they are defrauding their clients with (likely) fake profiles.
About the Real BDSM Community
When BDSM.COM allows females to show up whoring their naked photos in front of the leering crowd, they are saying that they think this is what "real" BDSM members truly want. This is totally false.
The BDSM Community is *not* in favor of promiscuous sex. To them, this is a betrayal of a carefully negotiated arrangement where all parties get something and nobody gets treated unfairly. BDSM is indeed based on the woman submitting to the man. But she also has rights of protection and respect. That is the opposite of promiscuity.
Even when a BDSM couple agrees on "rough" play, that is subject to rules to protect the female from real harm. Ironically, in spite of the sensationalized stories about BDSM, it is like any other philosophy: it is bound by rules, customs and traditions that give it coherence for everyone sharing in the experience.