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I used this website's free "ask a counselor" option to get advice on saving my marriage. I gave only the main info needed to get sound advice for a marriage plagued by trust issues and the reply I received from their so-called counselor was appalling! I was told I was all at fault, that I aligned forces with our children causing them to see their father as a fool instead of respecting him, and that I needed to change and become a better person and real wife. These horrific accusations and labeling came without hearing the whole story of how I endured verbal and physical abuse, the children enduring verbal abuse and family abandonment which is the reason for their negative view of their father as well as me forgiving him for adultery that I actually caught with my own eyes as well as numerous accusations of fondling and sexual solicitation by women throughout the 30 yrs together. You can imagine the anger I felt as I read the reply email from a counselor I was seeking help from, a business who's motto is to help people save their marriages through counseling and counseling courses.
After that experience I will greatly ask anyone looking for sound help and advice for their marriage problems to not give their money and time to this business because you will not get the right help you're seeking.
Tip for consumers:
Provides free advice and pay for help courses ensuring to help mend marriages going through problems
Renee K.'s review of The Marriage Foundation earned 10 Very Helpful votes
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Mrs. K admits she is not a client. There is no doubt that her husband did things that were very damaging to the marriage. She did reach out for free advice and didn't like it when didn't agree with her. She was not seeking recovery, which is our sole mission. She wrote in seeking our agreement with her judgment and condemnation of her husband. Sorry, we don't do that.
In cases of physical abuse, we always recommend clients seek safety for the victim and children, first. Then consider reconciliation when it is safe to do so. In cases of substance abuse, we recommend people seek professional help for this issue first before marriage issues can be effectively resolved.
However, drugs, alcohol, and extreme cases aside, in over 20 years working with countless couples, no troubled marriage became a problem all at once or as a result of only one person's bad behavior. Major symptoms like infidelity are the result of several months or years of bickering, fighting, and countless bad behaviors exhibited by both members, often even before the wedding. You can see Mrs. K's message only lists the things he did wrong, without listing a single mistake she made. Should we believe that her behavior was perfect?
We give the same response to anyone writing in, men or women, which is essentially: 'We won't help you condemn your spouse. If you want to improve your marriage, we can help you do that by helping you become a better person. That means learning how to not react negatively and emotionally to your spouse's bad behavior, even if they start a fight. You learn how to diffuse and end it. You learn how to control your mind, emotions, and mouth. You be the bigger person. You express only love, without being a doormat. Until now you've been pushing them away and aggravating them with your bad behavior, never mind if it was in response to their bad behavior. When you stop doing that and become a truly changed, truly loving person, who no longer reacts to their triggers being pushed, your spouse will inevitably notice, pause, and fall in love with you again."
We have seen this process work over, and over, and over again, meanwhile western-psychological based processes traditional marriage counselors use rarely work. We get a lot of clients from marriage counselors because this is the only thing that consistently works to heal marriages. However, it is not effective for those who just want to judge and condemn. We're sorry that we can't help you.