John J.

I am an American living in Kyiv. I moved here since I can work remotely, and to be with my Ukrainian girlfriend who I met on another site. But as soon as I moved here we broke up.

So I gave j4l a try. I was on the site for a month, and only communicated with women in the Kyiv area.
Despite many women saying how interested they were in me how much they wanted to meet me, absolutely ZERO of the women would actually commit to a meeting. They were sick, they wanted to go slow, their family was sick.

I would get passive aggressive letters that seemed to be written by different people. Some demanded immediate responses to letters, others then saying how much they wanted me. Like all these sites the women get a cut of the money you spend, so they have every incentive to lead you along and some letters may be written by their marriage agencies and others by the ladies (it is typical on many sites, I cannot say for sure this is the case with J4L but the tones of letters were very strange and inconsistent).

I seemingly almost had a date with a woman whose profile said she was a doctor, but then she got sick at the last minute. I did an image search of her, and found her profile on another site, which said she was a lawyer. I pointed this out to her, she said, "Did you consider I might have two degrees?"

I responded the sites said Doctor then Lawyer was your profession, and do you really have two degrees and what is your profession? She did not answer the question and stopped writing to me.

Note that not all dating sites have searchable images so just because they do not show up in an image search does not mean they are not on other sites.

I also did an image search on another lady and found her on 6 different sites. This is a job for many of them. Usually the cut is 10% of everything you spend on such sites. The business model encourages them to lead men on, and not actually date.

On the other hand, I have chatted for 5 minutes with ladies on Tinder and gotten dates within days. Last week I joined another site I had used in the US, I immediately found three women who wanted to meet on Valentines day. I met with the one woman who committed to a specific date first, and she was absolutely amazing. Smart, confident, sweet, gorgeous. Excellent English, she was impressed with me as I with her. And I have another date tomorrow with another lady from the same site but I am optimistic about the lady I met today.

How come on J4L I can't get a woman to meet with me after a month, but on other sites I get dates within days?

The woman nag for instant responses to letters, get petulant if you do not respond every day, do not answer direct questions, and constantly act passive aggressive.

I have asked my account to be deleted, I told a few of the "ladies" why I was leaving, I will be curious to see how long it takes to delete my account.

The site is for entertainment and draining your wallet value only.

Here is the true, factual information about how Whispark and similar sites work. I was fortunate, I defied the odds, and at a cost of about $4000 USD to meet a woman from the site I did meet an amazing woman who has since shared with me the reality of this industry.

Unlike others, I never did have any problems with false credit card charges, but everything on the site is crazy expensive.

This is a situation of one man's experience, with one particular marriage agency in one particular city, but it is quite disturbing but I suspect typical. After months of separation due to covid, we are finally together for a prolonged period and having a wonderful time getting to know each other. We both feel so fortunate.

The women are generally represented by a "Marriage Agency", with whom you will never have direct contact. The women sign a contract that may have more restrictions on meeting a person than those of Whispark. For example, the site allows for asking contact information after exchanging 30 messages, but her agency did not allow her to provide contact information for at least 1 month, and until I spent sufficient money chatting and sharing photos with her. And then, said no contact information until we met.

10% of the money you spend on photos and chatting there go to the ladies, the rest goes to the marriage agency and Whispark. Women have an incentive to chat with anyone and everyone to maximize the extraction of dollars.

Sadly, it is exploiting both the women and the men.

The marriage agency does a photo shot, and photoshops the heck out of photos. They increased her breast size (her A+ breasts are perfect as they are), and told her to lie about her job, lie about her marital history.

When she objected, saying "What if I really meet somebody", they said, "We are creating a legacy for you on the site". At least in my experience though, most of the women would share more real life selfies quickly so you could see more what they were really like.

Some of the women there look like models because they are or have been, which was the case with the woman I met. But her agency told her not to disclose that, they created a fake more "professional" persona, when in reality she has a regular service industry job and modeling was in her past.

I flew to her city last year and had a "Romance Meet" setup for $150. Note you cannot setup a Romance Meet with one person, you blast it out to everybody in the area, and I got multiple responses, but of course only setup one for the response with my new friend.

This was supposed to pay for a translator for 90 minutes, and pay for the dinner. I paid for the dinner, I paid an additional $100 or so for the translator since the date lasted 3 hours, but the translator also acted as a chaperone to insure our physical contact was limited. I thought, what is the business of the translator if I want to kiss her?

My friend also knew enough English to also know that in some cases the translator was NOT accurately conveying what I was saying. The translator encouraged buying the most expensive dishes at the restaurant. I felt like I was more on a date with the translator than with the woman I wanted to meet.

Although I had to provide an IMBRA form before we could me, she never provided an IMBRA form to Whispark or the agency, which actually creates a problem should I ever sponsor her for and Fiancé visa. I would need to provide her IMBRA form on the visa application, tell about the marriage agency and the site, and this is now not possible and I have no information about the marriage agency. Whispark does not even disclose it's physical address, also needed for the visa.

My friend said her agency "is more interested in making money than making happy couples".

After a second date, with the same translator, we did manage to exchange emails and phone numbers, and we went private off the site. However, when she told the marriage agency that she found her match and cancel her profiles, they harassed her, insisted she should stay on the site (and others) to bring in more money for her and the agency.

Fortunately, she is a smart and strong woman and insisted that they deleted her account, which eventually happened months after we went private. They yelled at her. I had to ask multiple times for my account to be deleted.

She did not want me to complain about any of this to Whispark for fear of her safety, she said her marriage agency is associated with the local Mafia. She has changed her address and phone number.

I am sharing this here in a way not linked to my former account I had there and cannot convey this dissatisfaction directly with the site at her request. I suspect there was even an NDA saying she could not disclose the details of how this worked.

We Skyped for months, she learned English very well, and as the time got near for our second time together, she slowly started unwinding the lies, sometimes with lesser lies closer to the truth. She was terrified I would reject her. She has now disclosed everything about her past, her experience on this and similar sites. She is an amazing women, who has gone through so much in her life, and we are very much in love and happy to have found each other … but we defied the odds. We were both full of anxiety before we met for our prolonged time together, I did not know if I could trust her given all the lies, she did not know if I would reject her for the lies. Fortunately I am a mature, open minded, understanding person, and listened to her story, but told her I have no tolerance for any lies moving forward.

Men, it is possible for this to work. Ask them if they would provide contact information after the 30 emails. Tell them you have heard "some women on these sites are just making money and are already in a relationship, is that true?" Tell that if we do meet, and find out that anything you told me was a lie, it is a deal breaker. Take command, don't be a victim.

Setup a Romance Meet as soon as you are able to travel. Hire and bring your own translator as well, that will freak them out (don't tell her about your translator, just show up with a translator). After 90 minutes, tell the other translator, OK, your time is up, goodbye.

Get off the site if you really meet somebody. Ask Whispark and the translator to verify the lady has provided an IMBRA form. Verify the woman has gotten off the site if she says she has chosen you.

Whispark, if you are listening, please have a code of contact with the agencies. Vet them, enforce it. Why do the men provide IMBRA forms but not the women? Why do the agencies encourage the women to lie, to "play" men and stay on the site even when they have found someone? Be clear upfront that after 90 minutes there will be more charges for the translator.

I only give 2 stars because somehow I did meet my wonderful new girlfriend and hopefully future life partner. I am being generous because we are in love.