Cindy K.

Mrs. K is not a client of ours. She reached out for free advice about her current situation and disagreed with our assessment. We're sorry that she was offended when we failed to agree with her. Our principles are the same regardless of the gender of the person writing in. When one comes to us seeking help, we always discuss the changes that individual can make. No one, not us, not you, can change your spouse. You can only change you.

Unlike traditional marriage counselors, we refuse to join prospective clients in criticizing or condemning their spouse, which will only drive them further away. Our only mission is to heal marriages. Many prospective clients just want us to agree that their behavior was perfect and only their spouse behaved poorly, rather than seeking help. This is against our principles.

We don't believe any particular gender is the root of the problem. We believe poor behavior is the root of the problem. If a marriage is unhappy, it is because both members have contributed through anger, vindictiveness, criticism, condemnation, complaints, arguing, cold shoulders, dirty looks, on and on. Any behavior that is not expressing love to your partner has got to go or it will damage your marriage. It does not matter "who started it" or how your spouse behaves. Our position is that if your behavior is bad, regardless of if it is in response to your spouse's poor behavior, you are actively damaging your marriage. Everyone can learn to discriminate between destructive and loving behavior, without becoming a doormat. Neither gender gets a pass on these basic principles.