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My reviews are usually informational entertainment.

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3 Reviews by Amber

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Verizon Wireless

Verizon Wireless

12/5/17

If Verizon Wireless was a sentient being,
I would build it a spectacular rocket ship
with my bare hands,
seat it comfortably in the pilot seat
with all its favorite things,
and have it watch me set a course
for the great unknown
and once it was in space,
with a marvelous smile on its face,
it would slowly come to realize
that I am in no way a capable rocket scientist
and that it's favorite things
(data overages, frivolous charges, mafia-like contracts)
aren't in a position to assist it
because the ship is made of
all the busted piece of guano phones they sold me over the years,
and that 8 inch tinfoil ZenPad they threw in for free
-because who in their right mind would *buy* it-
is actually the thing I typed the destination into
but now all that shows up
is the burn in logos of spam apps
that can't be removed
no matter how many times you try to delete them
or turn it on and off
and its single recourse would be
to use itself
to call for help
but the only number that rings through
is its own customer service
so it sits on hold
listening to staticky muzak
while it drifts into the firey bowels of the sun.

TimeWarnerCable

TimeWarnerCable

12/4/17

I don't understand how a company this bad has been around this long. They've made actual billions off the tears of their customers. There is no company more sadistic than TWC ...well, maybe Virgin Mobile, but that's a different industry so they get a pass on providing Now You See Me, Now You Don't WiFi signals and Oh, Were You Watching That? cable television, but not the Bars? What bars? phone service cuz they got that one sewn up. But I digress. I've been a Time Warner customer, in one capacity or other, for 20 years. I have hated every minute of it. The kind of hate that makes you cry ugly. They charge too much for stuff they're not actually giving you (think you're actually getting 100mbps?
HahahahaahahahaahahahaahaNO) and they know in their little black crusty hearts that you'll take what they spoon feed you. Because the alternative is Windstream or some mom and pop that still offers DSL and whose broadband cries at the sight of the Netflix logo and anything HD. Yeah you might quit them in a fit of rage at a price hike or 3 months of spotty [insert every service they offer here], but you'll always go back and they know it. They're like heroine. Or roaches.

Loot Crate

Loot Crate

8/5/17

I've had Loot Crate sub since Feb 2016. Last year, crates were great, shipped on time, out of 5 or 6 items it had at least 2 high quality items (huge mugs, aprons, mousepads, funko pops, paper journals) and a rad shirt. Now you get maybe 4 pieces of trash. Shirts don't fit correctly and have cheap designs. One month they sent dollar store magnets and tried to pass them off as "Tetris" blocks. Two months of pencils. This is, of course, only IF YOU ACTUALLY GET THE CRATE. I'm still waiting for June. They started this bullcrap LootKeys thing where you jump thru a bunch of puzzle hoops for extra stuff but you never get the bonus loot promised. You don't hear about anyone winning Megacrates anymore. They rely too heavily on digital content, most of which is cumbersome to download and worthless. The Loot Vault is a joke. You can order (overpriced) items all day long, 90% of them are already sold out. They don't tell you this until weeks after you've ordered and emailed them about where your stuff is. After a year on month-to-month, I upgraded to a six month subscription in March but the 3 previous crates plus the crap in I received in the March and April crates convinced me to cancel it at the end of April. They've overextended themselves. They need to get rid of lootkeys and lootvault and useless digital crap and start focusing back on the crates.

Amber Has Earned 9 Votes

Amber W.'s review of TimeWarnerCable earned a Very Helpful vote
Amber W.'s review of Verizon Wireless earned a Very Helpful vote
Amber W.'s review of Loot Crate earned 7 Very Helpful votes

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