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Lil B.

Contributor Level

Total Points
90

1 Review by Lil

  • Match

11/10/15

I contacted Match.com to warn them about a man I met on their site back in June. Sadly, I was the one to reach out by commenting on a photo on his profile. He responded almost immediately and so it began. As a woman in her late 40'summer with plenty of life experiences, including bad relationships and my share of heartache, I wanted to believe that this person on the other end of a computer was not going to bend a jerk or predator.
After emails and learning the basics about each other and discovering he was in Afghanistan working, I still thought he was worth meeting. What could it hurt?
I should have known better that a man who is away every 3 months and across the world only to be home a couple days here and there wasn't looking for a relationship. I should have guessed when our first date was less about having meaningful conversation and more about plenty of distractions yet eager to make out with me at the end of the date... he was too eager and presumptious, but I just thought he really liked me and so I let it go.
I made the mistake of flying out to see him when he asked. I made the mistake of not telling him there would be no sex during that 4 day visit. He assumed we would, but was so sweet to inform me we wouldn't have sex that first evening when I arrived. That's when I told him I had no intention of having sex and that I wanted something meaningful, a relationship and not just a one night stand or hook up. I told him I didn't want to be uses and discarded. He heard me, but he still wanted what he wanted. Stupidly, loneliness, desire, and the need to be wanted got the best of me and I caved. It was a huge mistake. Ladies, it will always be a huge mistake for us when we give ourselves so easily to men. Just because they like, us doesn't mean they want a relationship with us! We get caught in the moment and take chances and even dangerous risks to out health. He had every intention of having sex that weekend yet no condoms on hand nor a menation of whether he was HIV/AIDS/STD free. It was I who brought it up and started that conversation before anything ever happened.
As a woman, sex means more to us and we cannot have sex without becoming emotional or developing feelings for that person we give our bodies to... it just isn't chemically possible. This man I trusted, liked, cared for and was so excited about - that I failed to ask the questions I needed and wanted to ask because I was afraid it would scare him away - called me, wrote to me, text me and made plans for another weekend together. He had me somewhere I had never been before with any man and I lost myself. So many possibilities and potential plans as I counted the says until he returned. After another month - only this time hewas up visiting family in New England - he made sure we met up hours before our weekend was to begin so we could carry out something he wanted to do with me. Again, I just gave him what he wanted and then some. Didn't matter that I told him how much it meant to me to give him what he wanted, nor did it matter how much I wanted our weekend, he later called to cancel plans that night. And that's where it all really began to unravel.
I knew he was still on match even after we were intimate and I was uncomfortable and afraid. Yes, I hinted at it, but fear crept in and so I didn't dare question him on what it was he was doing or what we were doing. He told me we were dating on our second date. He talked about future plans to go places and more. I was naive and allowed him to dictate and control everything we were to do and did.
I got a call from this man I grew to care about, this man I thought was a gentleman and a man of faith telling me he had thought it over and realized that due to his work schedule (not being around enough) and that I became attached too quickly, that it was over. I was shocked, confused, hurt, and numb. We didn't just go out to dinner a movie a few times and parted ways. He said and dud things that would make any woman believe and think that not only were you dating each other, but in the early stages of a romantic adulthe relationship.
Please understand that I never expected anything more than to proceed as we were doing, allowing time to take its course and see where things between us would go. I waited a month for him to come home and suddenly, there I was wondering what happened.
He left town again and I couldn't understand what happened. He didn't have the decency or honor to have met me in person to discuss. He had no issue when it came to having sex so soon, but my caring about him, well that was just too much to handle I guess.
So there I was blaming myself for everything and he never said I'm sorry. I asked if all that took place between us meant nothing to him and he said nothing. It came down to a "Yeah" from him when I asked, "So that's it?"
This man continued to be on match right after he was done with me and was on it right before my membership expired. This man who told me he realized he didn't want a relationship due to his schedule had updated his profile to say that he is looking for the "one". Someone to hold hands with when he is 70 and tell himself how lucky he is. Funny coming from someone who just let some who wants a relationship and cares enough about him to try and work things out after he went back to Afghanistan. The man who actually called me and wrote how me might be able to do things we were supposed to do when he came back home. Yes, I was excited and yet a fool to think I could trust him again. That's why I wrote him a couple times asking him to think about what he wanted and to let me know because I couldn't take the chance to wait another month and a half only for him to change his mind and leave me waiting and devastated.

Guess asking for an answer was too much for him. His email response left me NUMB. He could have been nice and decent, but instead he was cruel. He wrote " 'dating" was something we have never done". He wrote I was a stalker and not to reply with an email telling him how awful he is because he had enough already. Perhaps those awful emails are from the other women he has been communicating with who he has hurt. Maybe it's from the woman he loves her legs in yoga pants... he had email me once stating how much he loved my legs in yoga pants, but I never wore any for him. It didn't hit me until after it ended and that made me worry even more about who the man I was with really is.
I called and emailed Match.con and all they wrote back is that "appropriate action " had been taken. Due to privacy policies, that's all they would allow me to know. That's interesting. Sour that tells us that anyone can get a paid Match.Com membership and have access to countless numbers, of men and women who are truly seeking a relationship and potentially be hurt by scammers, predators, and others posing as wanting a relationship when it's sex they really want.
I'm sure gbow321 will be online and continuing to find another person, like myself, who will give him a chance in spite of his schedule (for the next 2 Years and maybe longer) because they believe what he says, presents, and says he will do only to find themselves tossed aside.
I was an idiot, bit you don't have to be. Please take this warning seriously. I am not a stalker, nor am I a woman who is seeking revenge because this man wasn't into me after a couple dinner dates, nor do I want this man in my life ever again. There are many more explicit details about what took place between myself and gbow321 to prove what I'm saying is truthful and not some vendetta. As a woman, I must protect other women from what some men do so easily and without remorse. As I wrote him in a final email to him (for myself and not for him), I will never make the mistakes made with gbow321 again with any man. Get to know these men online, ladies. Ask everything upfront and do NOT be afraid to state what you want and will not do until that man has proven themselves to be worthy and in an exclusive and committed relationship with you! Do not settle and do not allow Match.Com to continue taking your money if they cannot protect you from people like gbow321 on their dating site.
There needs to be a profile rating system where members can post anything negative (based on actual facts/proof) to warn other members. If you pay a fee, then this should be part of the membership benefits, don't you agree?

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