SurvivingInfidelity

If your self esteem is shot and you need validation from a bunch of whackjobs, then this is the perfect place for you! In my experience, its nothing but a bunch of spiteful bitties and horny middle-aged single men who disgustingly hit on vulnerable women under the cloak of support. People talk about catfishing their spouses and filing divorce just as an expensive mind game to shock and control a spouse. The groupthink and bitter, judgementalism reminds you of a Trump Rally!

If your spouse has cheated on you and you come to this website youll be told none of its your fault. Which is true. But how easy did you make it for your spouse to $#*! someone else? Did you deny your spouse sex? Did you routinely put your spouse down? I bet you did. While cheating is a total choice, all you $#*!ty spouses made it an easy choice. Own it.

This website is $#*!. The people who were cheated on suck, just as the much as the ones who cheated. No one is innocent.

I agree this is a site for the personality disordered to try to convince themselves they are decent people. I am literally sickened. Sister milkshake reminds me of Mary Jo Buttafuco, she thinks her husband is great and that women are all seductive whores who want to steal him away. Actually, most of the women on this site are like that. The delusional feed off each other.

I was on this site for several months to try and learn how to help my ex after I had cheated. I was in weekly therapy, and the stronger I got, the more I spoke up against the HORRIFIC advice that was being given (encouraging betrayed spouses to take on a victim role, encouraging "wayward spouses" to take on whatever guilt their spouses and other members threw at them.) No one has ever healed by being made to feel worse than they already do, and that is exactly what this site tries to do. When I spoke up for someone who was really being punched against the ropes, the mods turned on me, banned me, and exchanged several unbelievably unprofessional emails with me when I dared to challenge them on why I was banned. My advice would be to seek professional help and stay far away from this horror of a site.

I looked at the site after not reading for over 2 years. Nothing has changed. I saw DS has passed away, which is sad. She was not great to deal with, though. Had her favorites and the rest were targeted. She still flirted with the men that posted on there. Disgusting. Wincing At The Light is still spewing his barely contained rage nonsense. Even though his wife was a cheater I felt sorry for her. She was dealing with a mental illness and he played mind games with here. How sad. Funny thing is, though he's lauded on there as a wizard of wisdom he cheated on his ex wife with his current wife, so guess what? That makes him a cheater too. Sick sad man.

That's all. No reputable, schooled counselor would be okay with the $#*! this site spews. But y'all keep spewing your $#*! and mucking up everyone's minds. Hope you feel good about yourselves, armchair psychos.

In response to "Real I": So you think these negative reviews were written by the same person? That means one person had to create 31 different accounts using 31 different email addresses, and that didn't happen. The reality is that yes- there are 31 people that think Surviving Infidelity is a bad, bad site. Now that number is up to 32.

This site is overrun by a gang of bullies that should have outgrown that behavior in middle school. Don't expect any support if the bullies target you. And if your life experience doesn't align with theirs, then they'll definitely target you.

Find a good therapist instead.

SI is high school. It's a group of mostly bitter women that gang up and ostracize anyone that doesn't buy the bull, and it is bull. These people are not experts or in any way qualified to give much of the outrageous advice they give.

If you don't agree you're told "we've been here. We have experience ". No, they've experienced something. That's very different than having experience. I've flown many times. I've experienced flying. That doesn't mean I can fly the flipping plane.

I joined as a betrayed spouse. I left and found best choice is a trained professional or just making smart protective choices and taking time to heal.

This has really turned into a social site with the "stars" being insulting, insufferable and dangerous. The male king WAL or Wincing At The Light is a cheater that married his fling. He is a fraud. Many of them are. There are far better places out there including just hanging in there knowing that being cheated on is not rare and people survive it all the time.

The BS on the site do not want change or improvement. They want to be told R is possible if you give it enough time. I'm an active member (not banned), and I've watched the site go downhill for years now. Any advice that doesn't keep a BS holding onto the tiniest place of hope is no longer welcome. Sistermilkshake leads the team of mean girls that pounce on unpopular opinions and advice. But then, when she gets called out on her own bitterness she disappears for several weeks at a time, basically until people forget how nasty and mean she is and it blows over.

The site has become a train wreck that is hard to look away from.

Deeply Scared is dead, but her flying monkeys are still alive and well and dishing out the best of the bestest advice (note the sarcasm.)

Her dying caused an influx of money to the site though, so that's great I suppose. That way the site can keep telling cheaters that they're always scum, and the cheated on are precious snowflakes who deserve anything they want at any time. Physical abuse is cool, verbal abuse is lauded. Even better if it's directed at a cumdumpster!

Seriously though, find professional help after infidelity and don't rely on a site full of sanctimonious know-it-alls. Everyone will fare better.

Real I if you're a teacher than you will know that plagiarism tools need a much bigger sample to accurately assess commonalities than the length of a typical review.

In the interest of disclosure I'l caveat this by saying I am banned from the site (I had an argument with that awful Deeply Scared who's apparently now being canonised or something) but check it every now and then for curiosity sake - it's kind of like a bad movie you can't stop watching.

My biggest concern with SI is that it keeps people wallowing in infidelity and encourages members to take betrayal on as a key factor of their personality rather than as horrible thing that happened as part of their life experience. Yes Ive been betrayed but I am not going to make it a major focus of my life story, SI normalises hyper victimisation. I see new members take on the bitterness of the old, the typical narrative is betrayed spouse = pure, innocent and virginal; unfaithful partner = weak, manipulated and broken; Other person= all powerful manipulator who carries all fault.

It's the typical Disney narrative thats so unhelpful to adult relationships in fact one recent poster referred to herself as Snow White being cast into an evil nightmare. Sweet, innocent betrayed wife is in a fairytale fantasy with her prince until the evil OW comes along, casts a spell and magically turns the prince into a different creature. No one is all good or all bad and this type of thinking covers up the real issues that probably played out in the marriage before the infidelity occurred, its not helpful.

The moderators recently warned members to be nice as new members had recently left as they felt bullied so things have been fairly benign of late with the old clique staying away. It's the 'old timers' who are the issue and yes I agree Sister Milkshake is the WORST! She's not catty toward other members per se but her disordered thinking and inability to move on is a terrible influence, plus her posts are rough and tacky she sounds like she's posting from the corner of a biker bar.

In case some of you don't know the definition of Groupthink, I'll save you the trouble of Googling it. Here's a description from Psychology Today:

"What Is Groupthink?

Groupthink occurs when a group of well-intentioned people make irrational or non-optimal decisions that are spurred by the urge to conform or the discouragement of dissent. This problematic or premature consensus may be fueled by a particular agenda or simply because group members value harmony and coherence above rational thinking. In a groupthink situation, group members refrain from expressing doubts and judgments or disagreeing with the consensus."

So in a nutshell, If you actually possess critical thinking skills and the ability to make your own decisions, you will be shouted down and scolded by the mods on this site. And in the end you'll probably be banned anyway.

Dailystrength.org is a better alternative.

The site is a hot mess, whether youre the cheater or cheated on. They give bad advice and recommend you dont listen to trained, educated professionals. They dont know jack $#*! except for bitterness and revenge. Please find an accredited professional if you want to actually heal and learn how to move on from infidelity.

I was a member 10 years ago for a time. I was banned shortly but still follow it like the proverbial train wreck, because it's fodder for my novel or my thesis. Seriously, don't go there looking for anything helpful these days -- it's groupthink at its worst. Armchair psychologists, $#*!s telling you right and wrong. When I joined it was helpful to me because the members were largely good people with some compassion, but it's turned into something else altogether. If you have been cheated on and need a resource, redirect your energy to Chumplady.com, who is worlds ahead in wisdom.

Update/Edit:

I understand that Deeply Scared (DS) passed away from cancer. I had no idea she was facing this struggle at the same time as there appeared to be some very harsh smack downs of well-respected members and contributors. Perhaps DS was seeking control in the one area of her life she still was able to control. While I do not condone the way some of us were treated during that time, putting it in context of her life struggle is helpful and warranted.

I would also like to add that polygraph and post-nuptial agreements are a common recommendation in infidelity recovery programs and from counselors trained in dealing with infidelity and the trauma experienced by the betrayed spouse. These are not SI constructs, but rather safety measures to provide a foundation from which to move forward.

Title says it all. ** started this website (screen name **). She cheated on her husband and now thinks she is the resident expert advisor, ready to collect your money for her bad advice. Question her motives and she will ban you. She is incapable of being a nice person. Please don't waste you Money, time, or effort on this website like I did. Please go find a more positive one. There is too much negativity fostered there.

The JFO part has improved. The rest - no. Sistermilkshake and findingjoy especially. So bitter, but their R is great! Especially loathsome is the thread where SMS was sorry that people are jealous of her reconciation. Hehe - no- no one is jealous you R'd with a dude in a 7-yr LTA. Trust me on that. Wish the mods would $#*! these bully hypocrites down.

Another member of The Banned, here. After many posts and a long, long time helping people discover truth, I was banned, for something, when I queried, that offended nobody, hurt nobody (the admin even admitted that), but still resulted in a ban.

Bans are handed out like crappy business cards, and there's no one to talk to to overturn it.

Shame really, as I made some wonderful friend on there.

Worst healing/recovery site ever! Just hurt people feeding off each other to be sainted as the betrayed. It's awful and depressing. These are the worst people full of revenge, hate and stuck as victims. No real help, just pitiful venting and 'what to do' to make theirselves look good site. Get some help for your awesomeness. Isn't that the same thing they say about their betraying spouses.? I just don't get it. It's horrible.

I have to agree with the other posters here.

It really boils down to DS still functioning with wayward thoughts and actions. She gaslights, blame shifts and absolutely refuses to admit she may have been wrong or mistaken about anything, at any time. Instead she just bans you. She certainly never apologizes to anyone, probably because she just bans them instead.

Truly, her behavior is WS behavior being directed at people who are trying to heal from that same kind of behavior. This is not a safe place.

The site is overrun by bitter so-called reconciling spouses, the most bitter are the betrayed. The strange thing is they try and bring others into their misery by giving out dangerous and harmful advice.

The point for most is to reconcile at all costs. Many have been hanging on for years and are just as miserable as when they found out.

SisterMilkshake is the leader of the recon brigade. She cant see that when she posts about her husband and marriage she comes across as very bitter and unhappy. If that is recon Ill take divorce for $200, Alec... She also lays the blame at the feet of the woman he cheated with. She goes as far as to say the woman was a predator and frames her husband as a helpless victim.

Find a healthier site to get advice on infidelity, or better yet, find a therapist. The Haeling Library everyone at SI points new members to is full of articles and advice from current and previous members, virtually nothing from experts in marriage counseling or psychology.

All the reviews are true here. Deeply scared is a complete attention seeker, pathetic and the advice given is worthless. If you want to be happy or make your marriage work, find another site. You will be happy you did.

Are you a betrayed spouse who's healed and your marriage is better than ever now? Want to help someone else? Don't bother creating a profile here. The miserable harpies who haven't moved forward after years and years will pick you apart. You can't possibly have a great marriage now because they don't. Wah wah wah! They like to hang out in the Reconciliation Stories section sniffing the air for any shred of happiness so they can stomp that OUT. Then when you don't run away crying and don't worship them and retract your statements about how your marriage really is better now, for real, their heads will spin out of control and they'll call YOU hostile. It's too funny. They'll write horrible things, deny they wrote it (even though it's right there in black and white) and enlist a couple more of their flying monkey friends to jump in and tear you down too. Actually, maybe it IS worth it to join just for the comedy.

One of the particularly viscious ones was just staying with her husband because she needed him to buy her a new car. Yeah, that's a great reason to stay married, honey. We should all listen to your advice. If he's not meeting your arbitrary and meaningless terms of reconciliation and you're pissed off about it, maybe he was never that into you in the first place. I mean, you're such a PRIZE and all.

A much better site for betrayed spouses in Bloom for Women through an organization called Addo Recovery.